She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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