I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
