$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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