i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
