Me. At least after what I've been through.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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