I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
