When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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