but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
