Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
