Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it's like iHOP with fire
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
