You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
