Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
