i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
