At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
