I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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