I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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