My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
