hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
