At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm having to shit out rocks
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
