i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
