This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
