This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
