I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
