please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
