$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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