oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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