Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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