She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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