i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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