I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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