You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
