Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
