if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
