Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
