My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize