She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
