My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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