If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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