So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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