just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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