I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
