running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
