You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
