That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
