What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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