I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
