you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize