i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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