Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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