dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
