What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
