I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize