There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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