All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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