True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
