Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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