all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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