There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
