It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
