people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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