I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
