my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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