He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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