Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize