Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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