I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize