Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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