john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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