just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
